Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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