I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
