Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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