If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
that's an acceptable place to lick
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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