haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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