Swine flu is the new snow day.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
