I am full of burrito and curiosity
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
