it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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