Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
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I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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