let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
