Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
