I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
worst night to have a conscience
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
