I CAN MOONWALK!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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