I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
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Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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