Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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