Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize