He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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