he wants to bone in the snuggie
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
