You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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