apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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