I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
