Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
