my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
