my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
