last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
