We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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