Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
