You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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