with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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