3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
