fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
