I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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