My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
