yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
