My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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