omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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