weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize