I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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