my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
