mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
