Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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