Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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