I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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