if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
