Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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