The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
