you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
