Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
