omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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