it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
