wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize