i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So. Much. Porn.
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