My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
