Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
