you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
