I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
