I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
