She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
