he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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