he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
