Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
