you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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