is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
