I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
