That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
