you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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