the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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