Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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