Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
